Anti_Intolerence_Society

CIA video

2004-03-17T16:25:00.000-07:00

The CIA has video of a tall man surrounded by a bunch of bowing
syncophants..... Are they sure they didn't accidentally video tape a John
Kerry press conference?

Ted Kennedy's intelligence

2004-03-15T21:56:00.000-07:00

Ted Kennedy's questioned The Bush Administration of faulty intelligence well Teddy s jealous because Teddy's never been accused of using any kind of intelligence ......

Revelations of Machael Moore's book

2003-11-20T23:51:00.000-07:00

Newbie

Group: Members
Posts: 17
Member No.: 3872
Joined: 28-August 03

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From the Home office in Spenard Ak.......
Top Ten revelations from Michael Moores new book Dude Where's My Country ....
10) Stupid White men was an autobiography...
9) Didnot have sex with that woman ......Miss Lewinsky
8) The love child of Bella Abzug and Ralph Nader
7) Country Buffet managers openly weep when he enters
6) Has regular seances with the spirit of Chairman Mao and Lenin
5) Was the unknown Marx brother .....Dildo
4) Can't go to the beach without volunteers pouring water over him and trying to role him back into the ocean
3) Mad because Christy Whitman tried to have him declared a toxic waste site...
2) Would tip but doesn't want service personel to lose that "revolutionary zeal.."
1) Often confused for Roger Moore.............NOT!!!!!!!!!

The Dixie Chicks aircraft accident

2003-09-20T19:22:00.000-06:00

The Dixie Chicks aircraft had an accident....Don't fear 'O' cedar is sending them replacement brooms as we speak

The best party school

2003-09-08T23:46:00.000-06:00

So Colorado University is upset that they were named the best school for partying...
Hell use it to their advantage the promo: Of course we're partying you don't think we'd come up with this crap sober......."

Rejected Onstar commercials

2003-08-27T14:57:00.000-06:00

Rejected Onstar commercialHello this Wolfgang Lafontaine Calamari Phillips the third with onstar =
how can I help you?

Caller " I 've locked my keys in my car and the windows are all down and =
its starting to rain...

Wolfy: You're kidding right?

Caller: No it's raining really hard and I need to unlock it so I can =
roll my windows up before the leather seats are ruined...

Wolfy: Lady you're too stupid you don't deserve leather...

Hello this is Lamar Sungod with onstar how may I help you?

Caller: I 've locked my keys in My car and My babies stuck inside and it =
's real hot here

Lamar: How old is your child ma'am?

Caller: 16.... Hurry...

Lamar: I 'll send the signal now I hope your 16 month old is OK=20

Caller: 16 years old... He s fine thanx onstar

Hello this is Avenue left turn lane Pratt with onstar may I help you?

Caller: Say down here on Colfax looking to score some crack can you hook =
me up?

Avenue: Yo, Yo,Yo, G...... I gots your back

Caller : Dude lay it on me=20

Avenue: Check it out G take yo ass to my homeboy Johnny Mac's crib bout =
three blocks right on Dayton

fourth boarded up house on the left....

Caller: He got the shnitz?

Avenue: G he hook you up you be flying in the niggasphere !!!!sent my =
home boy Leroy Malcom to score some some last week homey still be =
trippin,....thats the 411

Caller: Solid....

Avenue: Just don't roll up in his crib wit yo gat .....His bitch sis got =
capped by this one dude he still be buggin bout it=20

Caller: Oh man I feel ya......

Avenue : If Onstar aks you tell them I gave you directions to da libary =
or sompin.

Caller : Damn dog I m cool I aint no 5-O......

Onstar Billy Joe Jim Bob can I hep u?

Caller: Its my moms shes driving and suddenly she having a seizure......

Billy Joe: Tell to her cut it out that is unsafe to do while she s =
driving....

Caller : She can't help it .......

Billy Joe : Ok don't panic I 'll call the police

Dispatch; 911 dispatch whats the emerency?

Billy Joe : Onstar here I have a child whose mother is having a seizure =
while she s driving.

Dispatch: Is she stupid that's like really unsafe she could cause an =
accident tell her to cut it out......

Billy Joe: I told the kid but the damn kid keeps whinning and =
crying.....

Dispatch: I really hate that but I guess we can't blame the kid I mean =
look how the moms carrying on ...

Caller: please help me I m scared.........

Dispatch: See what I mean she keeps interupting man what ever happened =
to children should be seen and not heard.......

Caller: Please......

Billy Joe: I know listen you little brat pipe down or I'll disconnect =
you........

On star this is Jane how can I help ?

Caller: Jane I'm trying to show my friend some of onstars features...

Jane : Oh really.....

Caller: What if I lock my keys in my car?

Jane : How can somebody that stupid find a job to afford a car with =
onstar you must be a Kennedy......

Caller Jane Please......

Jane : Ok if you lock yours keys in the car I can open it from this =
location....

Caller: Ok what if I need directions...

Jane : Cant you read a map??????? are you sure your not a Kennedy?

Caller: Come on,....

Jane : If you call and need directions we can give them to you=20

Caller: What about reservations.......

Jane: Jesus chrimanny Do you need us to breath for you too?????

Jane: If you're Ted Kennedy and you drive off abridge we notify the =
authorities

Caller: I've had enough what's your supervisors name?

Jane: Her name Ida Givearatsass her # 1800-BITE-ME

Onstar this is LynchPin Jacobs has there been an accident in your car =
sir?

Caller: Yes=20

Lynch: OK I'll call 911.... Is there anyone else I can call?

Caller: Yes my wife...

Lynch: Well actually I won't have to do that I'll just have to roll over =
and wake her up...

Caller: WHAT?

Lynch: OOPS sorry you have the wrong numbers....

Caller: Why that cheatin slut here I am in a bad accident and she doing =
the Onstar guy...

Lynch: No habla englais senor.................

Onstar this is Bee Ahoe how can I help you?

Caller: I've locked my keys in my car and I m stuck in a bad part of =
town...

Bee: Ok whats you code number?

Caller : I don't know .....come on this is taking too long....

Bee: Look I need your number......

Caller: Are you deaf I don't have my freakin number....

Bee: Ma'am please I just.....

Caller : I haven't got all day .......

Bee: Look ma'am do you see a group of hispanic males on the street =
corner....

Caller: Yes...

Bee: Then go over to them and say spick that'll get your car opened =
up...REAL QUICK!!!!!

Profs to NYC

2003-08-18T23:46:00.000-06:00

Profs to NYC during the recent power troubles you didn't throw a shiv into some old ladies back side and steal her SSI..... Nor did you loot and rob from fellow citizens........
Congrats......

New TV Shows

2003-08-03T20:19:00.000-06:00

On NBC
Law and Order: The NBA special victims unit
The NBA pregame will add Mark Furman and John Walsh to its panel of experts

The League of Undistinguished Gentlemen

2003-07-25T19:13:00.000-06:00

Coming to a theatre near you:
The League of undistinguished Gentlemen
Nine candidates who's mission is to defeat the evil George Bush
John Edwards as Alan Quartermain the famed explorer hired to seek out and employ 8 of the bravest men to crumble the Bush empire and save the world...
Dick Gephart as Tom Sawyer the once the son of a reluctant union milk to the friend of working man and billionare philanthropist alike
Tom Daschle as the leader of the the party who helplessly struggled while his party went down the tubes
Howard Dean as Jeckle and Hyde .... He s a liberal, he s a fiscal conservative,He s an environmentalists, He s a war monger .........
Dennis Kusinich as Gandhi s long lost heir apparent .
Al Sharpton as the random minority who s skill is dividing and conquering fortunately its the Dems
Joe Liebeman as the leopard that can change his stripes
John Fitzgerald Minh Heinz Kennedy Kerrey the reluctant war hero pulled out of retirement for one last campaign
Hillary Clinton the vampiress who leaves bloodless corpses in her wake....

Bill Clintons memoirs

2003-07-16T23:45:00.000-06:00

Revelations from Bill Clintons Memoir
1) He was born a poor black child
2) Whupped him a b’ar when he was only three
3) Did not have sex with that woman … Hillary Clinton
4) Takes Stepanopoulis to Sizzler because he gets the child buffet price
5) Called Bubba because Roger couldn’t pronounce Bastard
6) Hoped to finance presidential campaign with Wheel of Fortune winnings
7) Left Oxford because they spoke a foreign language there
8) Entertains at state functions by burping alphabet
9) Never tires of sending Al Gore to Bethesda for fallopian tubes
10) Marc Rich hell I thought I was pardoning Charlie Rich …. Damn that boy can sing
11) Quit mentally undressing the female reporters after Helen Thomas
12) Gave Jeff Goldblum and Will Smith Medals of Freedom for thwarting the aliens and saving the planet
13) Wants to bitch slap Web Hubbell
14) Thought his security clearence would enable him to find out what was in McDonalds secret sauce
15) Would be a Douglas fir tree
16) Was the third gunner on the grassy knoll
17) Lead rough riders up San Juan Hll
18) Joselyn Elders had to quit wearing her uniform because people kept mistaking her for a bell-hop
19) Wrestled as the Super Destroyer in the 70’s
20) Wished Barbra Streisand would mind her own damn business
21) Sings the Lyrics to “Louie,Louie” to embarrass Tipper
22) Had to use the jaws of life to get Geraldo’s lips off his ass
23) Bagala, Carville… What couple of assholes
24) Can see the forest for the trees
25) Lead the troups on Omaha Beach
26) Monica’s secret service code name “ Swallow”
27) Slated to host Interns Gone Wild video
28) Played a shallow centerfield
29) Secret service hell everybody knows who they are…..
30) Quit communism cuz the chicks were too hairy
31) Had Vince Foster up to six bullets in drunken game of Russian Roulette
32) Confuses Korean-DMZ with Run-DMC
33) Relied on Huggy Bear for advice on domestic agenda
34) Frequently plays strip solitaire
35) Would have cure cancer but the Damn Republicans thwarted him at every turn
36) In a fit of nostalgia burned US flag in Britain during Iraq war
37) Takes a deep breath, counts to ten then starts ducking the ashtrays Hillary is firing at him
38) Quit playing water polo because the ponies kept drowning
39) Still can’t believe its not butter
40) Wonders how them damn Kennedy’s keeps getting away with it
41) Considering a duet with P.Diddy
42) Confuses Larry Flint with Jabba the Hutt
43) Can’t believe Tony Blair doesn’t like moon pies and RC colas
44) Wanted to trade Janet Reno to the Cubs
45) Was wide receiver on the Javelin team
46) Heck with Russia had Krispy-Kreme on the redphone
47) CB handle “Rubber Duck”
48) Thinks the General Lee can take the Batmobile in the ¼ mile
49) Harlem thought they said my office was in a Harem
50) Wears aluminum foil hats to keep Hi8llary from reading his thoughts

War Crimes

2003-06-22T22:42:00.000-06:00

The Belgians want to indict General Franks on war crimes…
Hmmmm lets see. May be while they’re at it they can may be Charge in absentia:
General Anthony MacAuliffe for obstructing traffic in Bastogne, offending German sensibilities with the very undiplomatic response “Nuts”, killing peace-loving SS troops who were simply strolling through the countryside to reach the Alps to take advantage of the excellent skiing. Or General Patton who tore across Belgium committing eco-crimes the likes of which the world has never seen nor will likely recover from: Tank tracks chewing up precious agricultural land. Soldiers leaving bullet and shell casings all over the place, not to mention the massive waste of fossil fuels and the air/noise pollution. You just know the French truffle, wine and escargot industries suffered mightily at the hands of one of the largest group of destructive White males this side of the Daytona 500.
The only things missing were Confederate flags, Pabst blue ribbon, and wet T-shirt contests. Oh the crimes are too numerous to count. So maybe next time the Germans decide to tour the French countryside in the newest version of the BMW complete with roomy seating for 4, comfortable track n bogie suspension, not to mention the powerful
HP diesel engine and explosive 120mm main gun with the complementary roof mounted .50-caliber machine gun. We’ll mind our own damn business.

John Kerry

2003-06-20T22:04:00.000-06:00

He got tired of people referring to to him as John F**king Kerry so he Shortened it to John F Kerry

Hillary Book exclusives

2003-06-08T20:28:00.000-06:00

1) Regretted rejecting role as Shirley on hit sitcom Laverne and Shirley
2) Did not have sex with that woman Ms. Lewinsky
3) Depends on what your definition of Bitch is......
4) She d be an elm......
5) In free time tag team wrestles alligators with Janet Reno
6) Forget suicide Rush Limbaugh capped Vince Foster
7) Regrets only Buddy was neutered...
8) Wanted to have Al sent to sleep with the fishes
9) Envied Joselyn Elders uniform..
10) Was lambada instructor at Yale.
11) Drank Miller Lite for the great taste...
12) Ability to change into The Incredible Hulk a real hoot at parties
13) Rejected The Bitch is back as senate campaign theme song..
14) Was named for Omar Bradley...
15) Can write her name in the snow
16) Thinks Steppanopoulis was a little girlie-man
17) Founding member of the Go-Go's
18) Represents Buffalo cuz she likes them wings...
19) Was named for Mamie Eisenhower
20) Can name the states in alphabetical order forward and backward
21) Would love to bitch slap Rosie Odonnel
22) Was the fifth Beatle
23) Was named for Lefty Grove
24) Spent evenings fighting crime in Gotham City
25) Gave Carvell wedgies...
26) Primary suspects in deaths of west coast rappers
27) Knows Secret is strong enough for a man but made for a woman
28) Still cant believe what her and Bill pull on US
29) She s found to contain cyclamates
30) Suffers from bouts of 'roid rage
31) Invented Big Mac secret sauce
32) Calls Bills office and asks for Hugh Jass
33) Short sheeted Chelsey s bed
34) Had the pole position in Pocono 500
35) She s the pinball wizard
36) Annoys Tipper with filthy lyrics
37) Also answers to Sigourney Weaver
38) Can't Find Arkansas or New York for that matter on a map
39) Thinks Oprah spelled backwards is funnier
40) Lifetime member of the NRA
41) Once slammed on Jordan during pick-up game
42) Believes in UFO's,The Lochness monster, Bigfoot, Bill s fidelity and other unbelievable things
43) Spelled ASSHOLE with missile launch codes
44) Thrown out of Siegfried and Roy show for making the tigers nervous
45) Indian name Thighs o' plenty
46) Good Field ,No hit
47) Desperately seeking Susan
48) Was weapons officer on USS Iowa
49) Counts to 10, takes a deep breath ........then slings ashtray at Bill
50) Named for Clara Barton

Latest Rumor

2003-05-29T23:41:00.000-06:00

The Republicans are trying to Entice Barney Frank to change parties By promising to put his likeness on the three dollar bill...

Presidential Succession

2003-05-29T21:28:00.000-06:00

Presidential succession
I read with facination the scenarios for presidential succession and was appalled to find several missing:
The sport succession: The senario where the quarterback of the Super Bowl champion is appointed
president who then appoints his favorite reciever as vice president... Whitney Houston can swear them in and sing a rousing version of the anthem to boot. I mean who better to trust the " football " to in a time of crisis.
The Bono succession: He's been quite the fav of our politicos. He knows his way inside the belt way already.
Could bring his good buddy Sting in to VP..... Again can sing the national anthem at the baseball game,however (this will upset the women folk and musicians) will probably throw the first pitch out like a girl.
The Hollywood succession: Hey they already know whats good for all of us; as proof of the myriad of stars who line up to testify in front of congress.. It could be Martin Sheen (he could use the secret service to protect him from the regular police when he marches or has one of his famous sit ins) president. Julia Roberts,The first lady an inpressive notch in the gun of "America s Sweetheart"
(oops sorry Hollywood anti gunners).Alec Baldwin as VP providing he sticks around long enough to assume office. Secretary of Defense Kevin Costner he did such a good jod stearing the Kennedy's during the missile crisis. He could also make for some entertaining limo excursions. Attorney General Dennis Franz the nations favorite tv cop to the nations top cop no stretch there.
Rosie O'donnell secretary of state, just the thought of having to put up with her will make most countries behave. CIA director Jane Fonda she could go to our foes and just pose for pictures on their latest weaponry . Agg secretary picks include Sissy Spacek, Jessica Lang: Sally Fields would be of course Sec of labor.Interior secretary Leonardo Decaprio hey if he can
be on a beach with Bill Clinton without trying to roll him back into the sea.....Surgeon General Anthony Edwards or George Clooney which ever one is not too busy polishing his own star. Health and human services:
why Meryl Streep who can forget her sensitive portrayal
of a blithering idiot when warning us of the dangers of Alpo or Alar or whatver cause she was fronting. Babs Streisand presidential advisor; a job she held for 8 years of the Clinton administration,experience counts. Geraldo Rivera press secretary I would pay real money to see him and Helen Thomas going at it with the chairs. Jerry Springer Home land defense director knows all the major domestic terrorists they've appear on his show.
ATF why Robert Downy Jr. of course; he knows where all the good dope is. There are so many others that are also deserving....Just ask them they'll tell you.

History of the world as seen by the Smithsonian

2003-05-29T21:24:00.000-06:00

The Beginning of the world: An intolerant religious bigot decided to disrupt the peace loving particles floating around and forcing them to together to serve his purposes. Thus giving religious zealots something to brag on...
The Dinosaur disappearances: George Bushes ancestors set upon the poor dim-witted creatures. Forcing them to die in massive groups to form pools of
Oil to be exploited by pollution spewing gas guzzling SUV owners and Dick Cheney, who along with George W. Bush, would use it as an excuse to commit genocide on the peace loving al-Queda and the ever popular Saddam Hussein.
The Dark ages: A program undertaken to demean the melotonin enhanced skinned among us.
The Crusades: A war to enslave the poor peace loving peoples of the Middle East. Probably started by The Bush and Cheney ancestors to help future generations exploit the oil supply.
The Magna Carta: a document that many say is the forerunner to the US constitution. Which enables the United States to oppress and enslave those who it chooses.
The Landing of the Pilgrim at Plymouth Rock: Not only did it start the systematic genocide of the Native-Americans. But it also gave the white exploiters an idea of what to name the line of resource hogging vehicles in the future.
The Revolutionary War: A conflict where in it was too bad both sides didn’t totally annihilate one another. Thus saving minorities around the world from future oppression.
The Civil War: The War Between the States to see who can own the most slaves.
The Lincoln assassination: One white slave owning woman-exploiting warmonger killing another..........
The Spanish -American war: A battle to see who gets the right to exploit the
Cubans before Castro comes to power to save the masses.
WWI: Lets see whites’ killing whites...who cares...
The Rise of Communism: An idyllic way of life that leads to such visionary world leaders such as Trotsky, Lenin, Stalin, Mao, Krushchev, Carter and Gorbachav... That is brutally brought to an end by Ronald "the Bombing starts in 5 minutes” Reagan.
Rape of Nanking: The peace loving peoples of Japan can no longer take the exploitation by non- Asian are forced to take out there aggression on there mainland neighbors.
WWII: Lets see more whites killing whites followed by the use of the first nuclear weapons on Orientals...
The Korean War: In a move to free the masses the North invades South Korea in an insurrection that is brutally put down by the war mongering
Americans. Thus causing years of famine and death in the North....
The Cuban revolution: Fidel Castro saves the masses from the corrupting influences of America. Who then throw a fit and cause massive famine, starvation and poverty by not trading with Cuba. Castro bravely fights off the CIA in an ongoing covert war.
Vietnam War: Hmmmm Whites using Blacks to kill Asians and take over Indo-China. Nixon and Kissinger Bomb Hanoi to kill the brave Jane Fonda and Ramsey Clark.
The 80'S: Ronald Reagan runs rampant in Central American, Europe, and sells drugs in Los Angeles. Forces homosexuals to have unprotected sex in bathhouses thus spreading AIDs. Sends bombers to kill Qadafis children and
Milk factories. Pressures the Japanese to pay exorbitant prices for US companies and land. Gives secret recipe to Churches Fried Chicken that renders black males sterile. Causes a permanent scar on Mikhail Gorbachev in botched assassination attempt.

The Berlin Wall collapsing: The 8th wonder of the world The Berlin Wall is torn asunder all in the name of Pepsi and Levi s.
The Gulf War: President George Bush the Greater, stages a war so that his son can be elected president 8 years later.
The Clinton Presidency: The greatest president in our lifetime and His Brilliant wife are forced to commit perjury and obfuscation by the agents of Newt Gingrich, who then in an act of treason try to impeach the president.
But Bill Clinton perseveres to become our first Black, Homosexual, female, Jewish, Hindu, Muslim, Inuit, anastasi, Tibetan, Asian,
Samoan, Aztec president.
The George Bush presidency: George Bush the Lesser, brought to power in a maneuver by the Supreme Court reminiscent of the Putsch that brought Hitler to power. He then t proceeded to conspires with Ken Lay, Osama Bin Laden, and Ronald Reagan (who is faking Alzheimer’s disease to cover up his
Indiscretions in the eighties) to fly airplanes into the World Trade centers and the Pentagon to cover up:1) the fact he dragged James Bird behind a pick-up,
2) Buried ballots of Black voters at his ranch in Texas, 3) Mispronounces words, 4) Wants to kill all the peoples of Afghanistan by dropping food parcels into mine fields 5) Wants to take over all the oil in the Middle east by overthrowing
Hans Blix and Kofi Anan as leaders of Iraq

Little Seen Headlines from the war

2003-05-29T21:15:00.000-06:00

Little seen Headlines:
Bush to Saddam: " A Texas cage match any time anywhere"
Troops refuse to be entertained by Madonna,Chrissie Hynde, Pearl Jam USO show....
Sandstorm/navigation error blamed in Aegis cruiser appearing on outskirts of Tikrit
Reporter embedded in sand dune by US troops
Powell out! Sheryl Crow new Secretary of State
Arafat "Saddam s stealing my press"
Al Gore "I invented Cruise missiles"
Tipper Gore" Star Spangled Banner lyrics too violent"
Sara Brady complain about the proliferation of assault weapons and high capacity ammo clips accessible to kids in the US military...
American Lung Association: More soldiers will die from second hand smoke then Iraq weapons......
Bloods and Crips deploy advisors to assist US with urban warfare...
Phil Donohue .....Where was this war when I was on TV
Saddam to appear on Oprah...
Republican Guard changes parties, DNC chairman thrilled
SAddam appeals for terrorists to fight for Baghdad...... New York facing cab driver shortage
Bill Clinton reveals war plans between interns.....
Greatful Dead reunion tour.....war protests cancelled due to lack of participants
Fedeyeen decries racism on part of US military US civil rights commission to investigate
Iraq denies US overfly rights
George Bush to Saddam " I 'll whip your ass at war,quarters......"
Rich Gannon to lead aerial assault on Iraq
Grey Davis denies US basing rights....
OSHA to investigate long hours, unsanitary conditions, exposure to gunfire; Marines to face stiff fines.....
M1 vs. T-72 Consumer reports comparison....
Iraqi Airforce bravely denying US hanger/taxiway superiority
Iraqi comfort stations disbanded as goat herds diminish....
Hillary to Laura Bush...... You're no Eleanor Roosevelt...
Senate vote 100-0 on use of force Dems deny a consensus...
Saddam sons blame dad for stupid names
Travel Channel reporter kicked out for downgrading Baghdad as a tourist destination...
War protesters learn the phrase "can I supersize that value meal " in anticipation of post war job prospects
Tariq Aziz to appear on ex_primeministers edition of Jeopardy
Tommy Franks to appear on SNL
Al Sharpton to run on Ba'ath party ticket
Rosie O'Donnell to appear at troop rally thousands flee......
Jane Fonda " These war protesters are wimps..."
Janet Reno orders FBI and ATF to storm The WhiteHouse in effort to thwart Bush
GOP : The term Republican Guard is Offensive to us...
Iraqi Surgeon General: US military deemed to be hazardous to ones health
Chelsea carries on Clinton family tradition of war protesting on foreign soil
Space Aliens refuse to meet with President Bush over war......
Farrahkan :War a secret plot to kill Iraqi's
Martin Sheen: I suffer Post war-protest traumatic stress syndrome...
Sixth fleet 20 miles from Baghdad...
Barbra Walters to Saddam: If you were a tree what kind of tree would you be?
Human shields: this is about all we're good for......
Arnett: US killing innocent Vietnamese in Basra.....
Geraldo attack by special forces....
French to boycott Jerry Lewis movies....
Dyslexic war protesters: ecnahc a ecaep evig....
Mexico: Can't send troops, all able bodied Hispanics already in US....
Flipper: A conscientious objector....
Missing Reporter found attached to Hussein's ass.....
Iraqi s killed in fighting. Saddam " Don't you just hate when that happens..."
Mr. Rogers not dead secretly deployed to Baghdad to take out Hussein....
Madonna Division threatens to blow US troops.........away
Severe shortage of targets threatens to stall 3rd division advance
EPA threatens marines over destruction of endangered sand flea habitat
Wreck by Sterling Marlin and Jeff Gordon brings out yellow flag in race to Baghdad
Franks to Saddam: " You aint got game for me Beeotch.."
Hillary entertains black troops with Condi Rice impersonation " I's knows nuffin bout runnin no waars Massa Bush"
James Carvill "This war is a right-wing conspiracy headed by Ken Starr"
US bombs Dresden in fit of "nostalgia"
Clerical mistake deploys New York Giants guards instead of New York National Guard....
Reporters nearing Basra running low on cinnamon chocolate raspberry latte
Starbucks promises emergency shipment
Shell threatens retaliation if oil wells torched
Frito-lay, Army ink product placement deal....
Al Franken to play Saddam in made for TV movie
Bud Selig to Bush; postpone war until after baseball season
General Franks hates nickname "Ballpark"
Capture of Saddam Airport slowed while soldiers searched for weapons
Pole: 78% of Fedeyeen say Iraq to lose war.....
Chirac taking US and the Points..
CIA official confesses : Iraq had connection to 7-11's not 9-11
Saddam double.... Man my job sucked
Tony Harding has Rumsfeld kneecapped at press briefing
War funding threatens Robert Byrd memorial KKK interpretive center
Martha Burke decries lack of women in Republican Guard ....threatens boycott
Saddams sons to star in Butch Cassidy and Sundance Kid sequel....Robert Redford to direct
TV military analysts open northern front...
Kissinger indorses " Vietnamisation" of Iraq...
Dan Rather to Arnett: "You're no Cronkite"
Iraq forecast.....Damn Hot....
US army in Psyops plan Deploys Don Kings hair to frighten Saddam into capitulation..
Navy out of cruise missiles....USPS "Our Bad"........
Next Jerry Springer ....Left-handed,Lesbian,Nazi, Iraqi soldiers who hated there fathers....
DC sniper to reenlist....
Ted Koppel s hair .....bulletproof
Iraqi art museum ransacked, velvet Elvis painting missing.....

Book review 2002

2003-05-29T21:10:00.000-06:00

1. Find Me by Rosie Odonnell: Why?

2. Stupid White men by Michael Moore: An Autobiography?

3. Things I know by Al Franken: same amount of pages as: The Hispanic NBA

Experience, My favorite white men by Spike Lee
4. The Greatest Generation By Tom Brokaw: not the sixties flower children

Are we sure Tom Brokaw wrote this.

5. Bush at war by Bob Woodward: What dead or comatose guy did he collaborate with here….

6. Catch Me IF You Can by Stan Redding and Frank Abagnale…Make a good movie starring Leonardo DeCaprio if you can…

7. Journals By Kurt Cobain: Hmmmm…. Day 1 Took heroin wrote crappy music… Day 2 took heroin wrote crappy music. Day 3 married Courtney Love …Day 4 killed self…see a pattern?

8. Master of the Senate Lyndon Johnson By Robert Caro: Rednecks, White shirts, and Blue stripped ties…

9. The Sopranos Family Cookbook by: Allen Rucker didn’t he play Ferris Buellers Friend? Can they not exploit this series enough? What’s next Tony Soprano t-shirts, Ask Dr Malfi?

10. Longitudes and Attitudes by Thomas Friedman: Why we deserved 9-11-02

11. Lucky: A Memoir by Alice Siebold: Unlucky those who bought this book

12. Running With Scissors By Austin Burroughs: Or fun things you could do before lawyers roamed the earth…

13. In Search of America by Peter Jennings: Yo Pete: its that little country just south of that Super power…Canada

14. The Barbra Streisand scrapbook: The must have for the light in the loafer types

15. Timeless-Essential Barbra Streisand by Lee Kanne: A contradiction in terms if I ever heard one.

16. On The Road with Hillary Clinton by Patrick Halley: What happened couldn’t get a job taunting wounded cougars …had to settle for the next best thing.

17. The Natural: The misunderstood presidency of Bill Clinton by Joe Klein: The journalistic equivalent of Monica under the desk…

18. Joined at the Heart the transformation of the American Family by Al Gore: I invented the family..

19. Spirit of the Family by Al & Tipper Gore: ok Tipper Helped

20. Its still the economy Stupid By Paul Begala: Lets blame this economy on Bush since we don’t have Reagan to kick around anymore.

21. We’re right they’re wrong by James Carville: Yes you sure proved that in November…

22. Worth fighting for by John McCain: Oooooh k…….

23. John Glenn a memoir by John Glenn: From hero to Clinton lap dog.

In ten easy steps….

24. How to overthrow the Government by Arianna Huffington: How to ride a failed marriage to a loser politician to a career as a political gadfly.

25. When you alone you ride with Bin Laden by Bill Maher: From the man who helped bring us that cinematic masterpiece DC Cab….

That’s it for now…

Why Geraldo was kicked out of Iraq

2003-05-25T23:36:00.000-06:00

They realized they wanted imbedded reporters... not inbred reporters.....

Job for Gary Hart...

2003-05-25T23:32:00.000-06:00

Gary Admits to being "A hollowed out log for Castro"......Finally a job that matches his intellect

Games our kids now play

2003-05-24T00:05:00.000-06:00

Games Children play:
Tug of war has been changed to Tug of Peace
I have a few suggestions of my own:
Tug of Diversity: No Teams everybody gets on the same side of the rope and demonstrates the ease of tugging if they just work together.
Tug of Affirmative action: Tie one end of the rope to a minivan have all the women and minorities get in then have the white boys get on the other end and then they ll know what it feels like.
Liberal dodge ball: two sides are chosen and an equal number of balls are given out .... then each player hits his/her self with it.
Smear the homophobe: A ball is thrown to a member on a team and the others denounce him/her as a realigious zealot, conservative,homophobe etc...
ring around the rosie: A human ring is formed around Rosie O donnell and then the the children runs around her until they are exhausted usually after 1 or 2 laps...
Hide n seek: All the kids but one hides then after a long second or two all the hiders have to come out and console the one child who was deprived of their companionship.
Jacks: 2 or more players one player bounces a ball tries to pick up as many jacks as he can before it stops bouncing the player with the most jacks has them all taken away any the other players split the confiscated jacks and then are counsoled on their self esteem issues.
Hopscotch: The players draw a series of squares then number the squares... A player tosses a rock into a sqaure and the rest of the players have to sit and question the need for sidewalks in general.
Paper, rock, and scissors: At the count of three each player presents a flat hand paper, a V Scissors, a fist rock. Then they discuss the psychology behind each choice.